One of my favorite contemporary songs right now is, Do It Again by Elevation Worship. It's a song about the faithfulness of God. Sometimes I'm like the dad who said, "I believe but help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:24)."
I've been struggling today. I know pastors aren't perfect but if today was a number between 1-10 and 10 was perfect my day has been a -5.
I've been working with some people today that I refer to when I speak to the Blonde about them as "The Zoo." If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I know that isn't very pastoral, but I'm writing this on Thursday at 4:54 and Thursday is my Friday, and so I'm ready to hear the Fred Flintstone whistle blow so I can head home to Wilma & Pebbles.
I promise I will repent on Monday, but it's been an especially long day. I had a woman in my office earlier that wanted me to exorcise the demon out of her grown daughter that attends our church. Her daughter has some challenges, but I don't think she has a demon. She asked me if my faith was strong enough, and I shared with her; it was not a question of faith; it was a matter of my resume. Last time I checked driving demons out of people was not part of my skill set, that plus I'm Baptist. When I asked her about her faith and where she attended church, she told me where I could go and like Elvis left the building (on top of that my brand new lawnmower won't start - did I say I was having a bad day because I meant to).
Later this dear lady came back to the office, and I had the opportunity to help her with some groceries from our church food pantry. I think she was over being ticked off - it's hard to be mad at someone who is giving you free Cheerios, peanut butter, jelly and Keebler crackers among other culinary delights.
This imperfect pastor eventually went into the sanctuary and fell on his face, guilty of weak faith. I have seen God calm the storm over and over, but I need Him to "do it again" - to remind me that He's there and that He likes me regardless of my behavior (we call this grace in my business). How many times do we need to see the Red Sea part before we understand that the Rabbi is trustworthy even when the boat is taking on water.
God will revive me He always does. For now, I'm bailing water, trying not to invite others to my pity party. Tomorrow is my day off and while we have a morning coffee event at our home I think the golf course is calling my name - a bad day at the golf course always beats a good day at work. Do you ever feel like that? I will see you on the back nine. Fore!
Ken Ansell currently serves as a pastor and local missionary in small, rural Texas community. He plays lots of tennis and fly fishes when he can. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.