To the Editor,
Well, you know, sometimes we have to do things we'd rather not do but we do them anyway because in the long run it was the right thing to do. And by working together towards a noble end, we can get good things done. This happened to me recently.
It was once upon a time a few weekends ago when we were celebrating Memorial Day by remembering those who died on the front lines while serving our great country. And what a better way to do it than by wearing patriotic themed clothing made overseas and drinking beer made by a global conglomerate while heading to the lake in a truck made mostly with parts from beyond a wall that hasn't been built yet.
Anyway, it was on that day that my beautiful wife and I went to a local home improvement store to buy a three dollar tube of pipe sealant because we had a new gas dryer and were installing it and wanted to make sure we didn't have a homemade version of the Magnablend incident happen trying to get the laundry done.
Now everyone knows that you can't go get just that one item at the home improvement store and not wind up buying at least fifty bucks worth of stuff you hadn't planned on buying in the first place.
Primal law of modern day surburbia.
So after loading the bags of mulch and plants to spruce up the area around the house so it wouldn't look like the place the Clampetts lived in before they moved to Beverly Hills, we headed home. After we went back to get the pipe sealant.
Well, out in the road home ahead of us we saw something that was pretty big that probably didn't belong in the road. My wife said it looked like an otter and I thought I've never seen an otter in Waxahachie and it was a big chunk of plastic that had fallen out of someones truck on the to or from tje home improvement store.When we got up next to it, it was surprising to us by it being what it really was. And we were both wrong.
It was a snapping turtle. About a thirty pounder. I pulled over to the side of the road to take a good look and a selfie.
My wife said to go pick him up and put him back on the grass by the creek so he wouldn't get run over. I got out of the truck, and having seen a few wildlife shows, I thought I could handle that no problem. When I got close and reached down, the turtle demonstrated why it was called a snapping turtle by shooting out its neck really fast and biting in my direction.
I looked at the turtle. Then back at my wife sitting in the truck. Time to formulate a plan B which would include keeping all my fingers intact.
Now the idea was to move the now mad turtle from the road , over the curb and back on the grass where it would go back into the creek and do its turtle thing. I looked behind the seat of my truck and found an old golf putter and a towel that I put in there for situations like this. Be prepared.
After spending a few minutes trying to coax the turtle to get on the towel so I could pull it out of the road by trying to push it with the putter in which the turtle copped an attitude and refused to cooperate, a car stopped and a nice young man wearing a knee brace got out and grabbed a tie down strap and a crutch. I looked at this and thought that the turtle was toast.
I was wrong.
We used the strap to make a circle which we tried to get the turtle to step into. He wasn't having that. We tried to get the crutch under the turtle to drag him but only succeeded in flipping him over. With an amazing display of turtle yoga moves, he flipped himself back onto his feet. We looked at each other, trying figure out what Steve Irwin would do here.
It was then another feller stopped his truck and decided to join the Terrapin Rodeo. He asked us to get the turtle's attention by tapping the putter and the crutch in front of it while he would grab the turtle by the shell and pick it up. So we did but the turtle recognized the ruse and turned and snapped at the guy 2.0. He luckily pulled his hand back in time and realized we needed a better plan. Again. He went back to his truck and got a lariat. It was then when I saw the wives standing together taking pictures and talking about how brave and humane we were or just trying to figure out which one of the men was Moe and which one was Larry. The guy with the lariat came back and he yried roping the turtle who was really mad now, snapping at us and the ropes and straps and crutches and towels and putters. Finally he bit the towel and wasnt going to let go and we saw our opening and grabbed the otber end of the towel and dragged that sucker over the curb and onto the grass. Well, the turtle decided he had had enough of an interspecie interaction and spent enough time dealing with less desirable life forms and hightailed it back to the creek, flipping us off turtle style as he went.
Geez, try to help a guy out.
Anyways, we picked up our turtle wrangling tools and gave each other high fives and got back into our vehicles and left. Each of us knowing we had done a good thing in realigning the natural order of things. The turtle was out of the road and we could get back to our weekends.
I thought about that turtle and why he was in the road. Maybe we were supposed to stop. To meet each other. To come together to accomplish something for the common good. Or just to keep a turtle from getting run over. I don't know. But I know it was the right thing to do.
Is this a test?
Alan Fox, Waxahachie