To the Editor,
"Thats Right! At the best concession stand at the greatest circus in the world only under the red tent, we have a new addition to our already fabulous menu. It's our new All American Cherry pie. Get a slice now! And don't forget our special offer, a free hat made in China half off with every purchase of that All American pie. It's a tremendous deal!"
So said the *clown with the funny hair from the center ring sitting atop the elephant skin operated by the hyenas underneath. My five friends and I were hungry and the hat deal was too good to pass up so we got up after making sure the troops were in place to protect our seats from an invading caravan of Honduran seat stealers and made our way down to get some pie.
After waiting in line and showing picture I.D.s and signing a waiver declaring our citizenship, we finally got a piece each of the pie after making sure we paid the correct tax. Over at the V.I.P. box, the pie was delivered almost tax free.
It came wrapped in a Old Glory inspired triangular box that could only be opened from the right side and had a notice on it promising it was made at a bakery that practiced their religous freedom.
My first friend took a bite. His face told the story as he tried to swallow. Then my next friend tried hers. Same look. The next two friends and I took a bite. We grimaced and looked at each other.
It was sour and definitely not cherry pie. It was cranberry pie.
My last friend took a bite. He smiled and said it was a good cherry pie. So we went and bought more pie and tried again to the same result. 5 out 6 pieces were not cherry pie after being touted and sold as such.
When we went back to the stand to complain, our hats were snatched away by guys with tiki torches and shown a sign saying any complaints about the cherry pie were fake reviews.
So we went back to our seats but when we got there, we were asked if we got the best cherry pie ever and asked how we liked it. My friend that got the cherry slices said it was delicious and got to sit down. The rest of us said it wasn't cherry pie and immediately got our sitting credentials revoked and called the enemy of the audience and were removed from the circus. Our seats were given to some People and Friends holding signs that read: All American first Cherry Pie. Making pie great again.
It was when we outside that we saw a Uhaul with Alabama plates leaving the Justice Department. And we realized one of the tents that make up the whole circus had turned blue.
Maybe there is still hope that we might get a real piece of the pie.
(*Disclaimer. This is a piece of political satire. It only describes a garment. Not saying who is wearing it or will put it on.)
Alan Fox, Waxahachie