As you grow up you instinctually know you want to become a parent and you were born to do it; or the thought kind of grows on you as you grown older and become more mature. Then there are those out there that have become parents that have absolutely no right to be a parent.
But when you do finally make that decision, you get lots of words of advice from people like “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” or “Don’t worry about the laundry, enjoy your kids while they are young;” but we are never told some of the deeper (and funnier things) about parenthood until it is sitting in your lap, or vomiting on your cocktail dress as you are walking out the door.
So from my experience as a mother who would walk through fire for her boys I have compiled an emotional, yet lighthearted list of things you never hear uttered before entering parenthood:
1). You will never ever go potty or bathe without an interruption ever again;
2). Never wear nice clothes, because it is inevitable that dirty fingers, spit up, or poo will find that silk blouse you’ve worked so hard to keep clean until you can run to the garage, jump in your car and leave;
3). Your favorite TV show … forget about it … it will never be seen or heard again, uninterrupted (thank you DVR);
4). If you are feeling sick or under the weather … suck it up, there is no chance you get to rest, nap or go to bed early to gain your strength back … put your big girl pants on and keep moving;
5). You would never imagine that you could love anything or anyone more than you love yourself, your spouse (or your luggage) … but those little creatures grab a hold of your heartstrings and tug for the rest of your life;
6). You could never imagine that that sweet adorable baby you held in the hospital for the first time could absolutely bring you to your knees from pure exhaustion;
7). That you would never care about material possessions again, the way you once did. You could total your car, leaving your vehicle on the side of the road without a care as long as your baby got to the ER in time to fix their broken arm;
8). You wouldn’t care that you stubbed your toe or punctured your foot in the middle of the night walking over the field of Hot Wheel cars because you were headed back to make sure everyone was sound asleep in their own beds, safe and secure;
9). That you had to trade in your perfectly made-up face, your adorable hair style and pressed clothes for a chance to shower at least once a day, if you’re lucky; and in return you got to throw your hair up in a ponytail, slap on some under eye concealer to hide your lack of sleep bags, and a T-shirt and jeans you found on the floor (that …yea, smell OK);
10). You will never, ever sleep soundly again as long as they are in your house;
11). Your gut will never be untied, for fear they have broken something on their bodies, had a car wreck, made a poor decision, or made you a grandparent (entirely too soon);
12). Your purse no longer will obtain the items you need like lip-gloss or a brush, but instead replaced by a diaper pouch, hand sanitizer, airplanes and cars, and lots and lots of Band-Aids;
13). All your pretty stuff that you worked so hard to collect to make your house beautiful will never see the light of day until they graduate from high school and leave the house;
14). Your driving habits will completely change …your geriatric driving style will kick in;
15). No matter how hard you try, or what kind of music you listen to, you will never look cool in your SUV or minivan filled with multiple car seats and the family “stick figure” stickers on the back of your car … the days of being young and hip are over;
16). You completely lose your self-identity, you are no longer known by your given or married name, you are now “Billy’s Mom” or “Suzy’s Dad:”
17). You hope to heaven that they learn who they are before it’s too late and don’t fall idle to peer pressure;
18). That one day they will have children of their own and then they will understand all the lectures and arguments that went on;
19). That your mistakes don’t become their mistakes;
20). And the one thing that you are never told before becoming a parent … that those little people will never ever have any idea how much you love them, until they hold their baby in their arms for the first time.
Like I’ve always said, parenthood it the best thing that I have ever been blessed with. What other event in your life can take you from laughter to tears in milliseconds, other than being a parent. Enjoy them while you have them, they are gone in a blink, and cherish every hug, kiss, or snuggle you can get your hands on.
Samantha Stroube-Daviss is a local columnist based in Corsicana. She may be reached by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. Following Samantha’s blog at http://samantha-daviss.blogspot.com and on Twitter at @SamanthaDaviss1.