To the Editor,
Well, I really donít have anything to say here or there isnít an issue I wish to rail against so I thought I would write a letter so others will have something to respond to. No, no, itís alright. Just doing my small part so others wonít have to think of something original to write about. And it is my patriotic duty to help others contribute by using the First Amendment to keep our country strong. Letís support that Constitution! Hey, thatís just the way I am.
You know, I looked around and couldnít find anyone to speak for. I lost my password to the Socialist World Domination website so I canít spew propaganda on the fertile minds of my fellow townsfolk. My amassed followers are all out of town on vacation. Both of them. My phone needs charging so I canít call local merchants to apologize for causing one person not to shop in their businesses. Oh, the guilt! The shame! I only hope they wonít have to shutter their doors because of me.
Well, canít really find a need to keep writing or anyone to disdain so I guess Iíll stop now. With all that driving down home equity and subverting the conservative well being of our town to do, I guess I better get busy. Thanks for reading this even though you were told not to by one that speaks only when I write something.
That guy who tells others what to think, the unofficial voice of the community, and your next elected official. Remember kids, vote Fox in 2016!
Alan Fox, †