According to the Mayan calendar ó or more accurately, those who interpreted it ó civilization as we know it is predicted to come to an end today.
If these folks are right, Iím getting docked for a rare day off for nothing. But then again, as our army or corporate human resources officers have told us repeatedly, you canít take your vacation days with you and you canít roll them over. And we donít call them vacation days anymore. They are now called PTO hours. And the formula for calculating PTO hours ó and when you can use them ó is almost as complicated as the Mayan calendar.
But I digress.
On the other hand, if you are reading this, either the Mayans were wrong (or they just ran out of paper to start another calendar), or those who interpret their calendar were off a bit in trying to figure out exactly why the Mayans didnít start a new calendar.
Contrary to what you see in all the apocalyptic shows on television prognosticating ďthe end of the world,Ē there could be a relatively simple explanation.
Letís face it. Itís not like the Mayans didnít have a lot of things to deal with between the time they finished this calendar and the period of time when their civilization vanished off the face of the earth.
There was that pesky immigration issue with the Spanish Conquistadors. (Note to Mitt Romney: Self-deportation doesnít work.) While the Spanish were looting and plundering anything and everything of value to them, they, along with the missionaries who followed, did their best to ďremakeĒ the Mayans into their own image and to help the cause, they destroyed thousands of years of culture, knowledge and history that was of great value to all humankind.
A vast majority of Mayan culture and knowledge ó including the most accurate and comprehensive knowledge of astrology known to our species ó was disregarded and cast aside because as we all know, if we didnít think of it first, it canít be of any value, right? Letís face it, they barely wore any clothes. How smart could they be?
And as we have been ingrained to believe since birth, it is all about progress. Who cares if the Mayans were there first? Whatís important is that we can now use our PTO time to take a vacation to Cancun and visit a Hard Rock Cafe that serves 28 different kinds of margaritas.
Letís see, the extinction of an entire civilization and all of its knowledge for the opportunity of being able to pay $5 a glass just to see how many of the 28 artificial flavors mixed with tequila we can drink, while watching people we admire frolic on the beach wearing next to nothing.
Weíve truly come a long way.
Wouldnít it be a twist of irony if the Mayans were right? Think about it. As we all pass from this earth (which should have already happened by now, making my point moot if youíre reading this),†wouldnít it be funny if we were greeted by the Mayans, each one shaking our hand and saying, ďSorry Dude. Canít say we didnít try to warn you, though. Next time you might want to try listening.Ē
Which reminds me, if the Mayans were right, thereís an HR officer sitting in purgatory right now having absolute fits trying to figure out how many PTO hours they have to dock me for since I obviously didnít take off the entire day, and we canít have an unbalanced accrual, even though it really doesnít matter because we canít carry over unused hours into the next fiscal year.
Now thatís a thought that makes me smile.
See, for all those who didnít believe it possible, I really can take a day off from work and have fun.
Neal White is the Editor of Waxahachie Newspapers Inc. Contact Neal at firstname.lastname@example.org or 469-517-1457. Follow Neal on Facebook at Neal White Ė Waxahachie Newspapers Inc., or on Twitter at wni_nwhite.